10 THINGS I LEARNT WHILE BEING TEETOTAL

21:35

I made the frightful decision back at the start of the year to go for a month without alcohol. Although I can hardly say I prefer it, I have at least learnt some stuff during my dry time. If you’ve ever wondered about giving it a go then here are some (questionable) pearls of wisdom for you.

1. Game of Thrones is not a good idea: Watching telly seems the natural alternative to heading to the pub after work but be warned, GOT is hard to stomach with an empty glass. EVERYONE on that show drinks wine. All. The. Time. And they serve it in those adorable goblets that I need to buy a set of.

Game of Thrones goblet

2. The weight doesn’t just ‘fall off’. I was so looking forward to having abs for the first time in my life. Alas, it seems that if you are a glutton at heart like myself you just end up using the ‘but at least I’m not drinking my calories!’ excuse to eat a crap tonne of junk food. My willpower can only stand so much.

3. Coffee is essential. You will need a vice. Make it coffee and at least you can pretend to keep up with your booze fuelled mates on a night out. Which brings me to the sad fact that…

4. Mocktails are yuck. They are just juice with too much shaved ice and various other bits in them. I was served a ‘mock mojito’ (paid the price of a real one naturally – this is London). Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be a glass of watered down apple juice with what must have been a whole mint plant shoved in it. I think they try to distract you from the taste with the greenery.

Disclaimer: mock espresso martinis are exempt from the above statement. True they are just espresso shots shaken over ice with a bucket of sugar syrup and coffee beans but caffeine and sugar beats juice and leaves in my book.

5. Karaoke is still fun. This theory was put to the test after 2 said ‘espresso martinis’ and what do you know, I still came out with a shred less dignity and raw vocal chords.

6. Mondays are easier. Nothing quite beats that feeling of actually being refreshed when you waltz into work after a dry weekend. Sure your office bants may be lacking hilarious tales from Saturday night’s shenanigans but the bored looks when you tell people about your lovely day trip to Cambridge and super productive Sunday don’t even bother you. You are on cloud smug. Enjoy it.

Smug face
Photo by Matthew Wells via Compfight
7. Weekends are more productive. See above smug brag. No more hours wasted in front of Netflix! (well maybe just a couple).

8. I still love wine. Thought I may go off the stuff after so long without it. Yeah, didn’t happen.  

9. Dinners out are trying times. This is particularly apparent when a wine matching option is offered. I came VERY close to a stumble in Bath but thanks to the Blonde Kiwi (who happens to be stubborn as a goat) I managed to stick to my guns.

10. It is actually pretty satisfying. Ok so I’m not going to makeover my life and become teetotal but I think I still deserve a little high five for my efforts and would respect anyone else who can give up anything they really enjoy for a month. 

Also, it feels pretty good to have established that I am in fact NOT an alcoholic. I just really really like gin. PHEW.


Giant wine bottle




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