WHY CAN'T BRITS DO CHOCOLATE BISCUITS?!

17:57

Today we were in the supermarket when the Blonde Kiwi spied one of those gigantic selections of biscuits that seem to make an appearance around Christmas or any other type of holiday where it’s required that everyone’s home must be well stocked with sugar at all times. He pointed at one of the biscuits and asked me why it said Bourbon on it. I think maybe he was under the impression that they had booze in them but turns out they’re named after some royal family who ruled France in the 16th century. Seems like an obvious choice to me. Anyway, here is the bikkie in question:

Why can't Brits do chocolate biscuits



It’s essentially two chocolate biscuits sandwiching a layer of chocolate flavoured buttercream which by all accounts sounds delicious but I've tried one and... meh.

I was amazed that Tom had never come across one as I come from an office where everyone would go home in protest if there wasn’t a cookie jar full of these things along with Custard Creams and other tea dunking essentials.

Now Custard Creams I am on board with, I mean I’m only human but when it comes to chocolate biscuits like the Bourbon, I just don’t think that they stand up to the likes of the Kiwi choccie bikkie offering.

It makes no sense. As a nation, Brits seem to eat more biscuits than anyone else on earth and the chocolate here is generally much better than back in New Zealand*.

Alas, it seems that in the UK, the blander the bikkie, the more popular. I’ll admit that there is room for simplicity when you’re just wanting a dunker for your cup of tea but I miss the rich, chocolatey goodness of Squiggles, Afghans and of course, Toffee Pops.

I can’t really have a post about chocolate biscuits without mentioning Tim Tams either. I’m sorry people of Britain but Penguins are NOT Tim Tams (yes, even if they did come first). I’m aware that Tim Tams are technically Australian but just pointing out that the comparison is unfair and if I was a patriotic Aussie I would be appalled.

A while ago I was a having a real first world rant in the office and complaining about how the biscuit jar at work is full of boring ones. I of course had to google all the delightful treats we have back home and realised that Cameo cremes are actually just British biscuits masquerading as a Kiwi creation. I mean look at them:

Why can't Brits do chocolate biscuits
Photo Credit: Erik Kennedy

My suspicions were confirmed when I showed my workmates a picture and they ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed over them but I was horrified to find that there was no such reaction to Toffee Pops OR Squiggles.

What the actual.

Personally, the more far removed a biscuit is from actual biscuit form, the better. Hence why Macaroons are right up there for me...they teeter dangerously close to chocolate bar territory and I love them for it. I also love coconut. Haters gon hate.

Now if you’re not a Kiwi I realise that I’m speaking a foreign language here so can I suggest you find yourself a ‘world isle’ in the supermarket (I’m told that exotic biscuits from the Antipodes make the odd appearance in London) and see what I’m on about.

Also, I would like to add that this post is not sponsored - it just so happens that there aren't all that many biscuit manufacturing companies in NZ so I've given major props to one of them with my shout outs above. It's a shame really because I would most certainly be up for bribes of the chocolate biscuit variety.


* Disclaimer to my previous unpatriotic comment: I am not a total heathen and still heart Whittaker's chocolate. BRING BACK HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS PLEASE SIR MR WHITTAKER SIR

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